So I've Been Crying for the Last Four Days.

So to say that I've been stressed lately is a complete understatement. I feel like I'm failing miserably at everything. Now don't get me wrong I know that my life is completely normal and fine, but we all have those days where we could really just pull our hair out in huge chunks and I'm genuinely surprised that I'm not baled.

Ever since I was 16 I knew that one day I would get a puppy. I love them so much and so I did all the research that I could. I found out about tons of different breeds found out which ones would fit my lifestyle. I immersed myself in all things dogs so that one day I could feel like I was prepared when it came to my new family member.... I felt like I was prepared.... Until this weekend.

I have been planning on getting my new baby for the past month. I knew it was crunch time. I did my research on different training methods, what her needs would be. How to adjust with her. If you could see my Google history you would think I was a psychopath. Also what did we do before Google? There are times where I'm outside walking her and a quick google can help me to potty train her. Seriously google is currently my personal dog training assistant. But I don't think I could prepare for the amount of stress I've placed on myself to not mess this up.

Now shes a puppy. As long as she has food and a hand to pet her she's pretty happy. But any time that shes stressed or upset I immediately burst into tears telling myself that I've failed miserably. The amount of guilt I feel when she has an accident that I've let her down is killing me. When she whines when I go to take a shower I feel like the meanest dog owner in the world. At night when she's scared of being alone I feel just as scared that she'll hate me for forever.

But with these small stressers that I turn into huge issues I have to remind myself that this bright young lady is already learning so quickly and although she doesn't know it yet, the only reason I'm not letting her run wild is so that she can have the best happiest life. But when you can't communicate that to an animal it can be so incredibly frustrating. This week has been a reminder that not all goals can be accomplished quickly and that when you want something badly enough it will take time and the thing that I'm not good with at all.... patience.

So if you see me balling on the sidewalk in downtown Toledo because I know my dog has to poop but shes too distracted to do so and she's being stubborn do me a favor and remind me that everything will be ok.

Also, this is a huge reminder that I will never be capable of having an actual human child. I don't know how you parents do it. Like I'm dying and this is just a puppy.

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